special calling or delusion?

I wonder what im good for…what am i good for. i keep forgetting. I keep getting confused. One moment im walking into abercrombie gazing at all the ridiculously expensive apparel and imagining them on me…and next moment im thinking of how to pull off renouncing worldly pleasures but at the same time gain the support of the world. I think maybe what im doing is actually selfish…am i doing this for myself or for the world? what kind of an idiot am i. is it selfish to want to intertwine hospitals around the world and supply quality healthcare to everyone – regardless of wealth, class, state, etc etc etc. Is that selfish? yeah. I plan to do that with my own money and with the help of lots of friends and whoever can get involved. but here’s the catch. I plan to do that with my own money. My own hard earned money. The money i toil for, whereas swami c had even better methods. He goes and gets other people to pay for his projects. Is that what i should do? But….what? I have no plans to raise a big successful family or build a huge mansion with alll the worlds most expensive things in it. A condo or even a hut might be nice enough. But why spend all that time and effort trying to make money MYSELF. and then building my projects for the world MYSELF. what meaning does something have if only one person does everything? Huh? All i get is recognition. maybe my hospitals will get rich, famous, successful. But so what. Maybe the world has now a better chance to make sure its pop never ever declines due to poor healthcare. But so what. And maybe it’ll be all my fault that these hospitals were built, but so what. What would be extra meaningful is if the rich people in the world finally know the more beautiful things beyond material possessions and give give give to help their bros and sisters. To know that a network of hospitals have been created through the participation, involvement, and passion of the rich, the dedicated, the generous, the passionate and SO many of Them! Thats what will be worth this. But how is this possible. Today it seems nobody cares about anything but themselves and that close to them. i don’t know but its worth a shot eh.

Okay heres the plan

Graduate HIgh School with SO many Scholarships you have more than enough $!!

Attend Undergrad at UPENN

Attend MD-Ph.D program at worlds (or U.s.’s) most prestigious univ.

Hit workforce, start practicing skills, meeting people, make friends, become a big shot. Win respect.

Start Hospital Chain through investments, carefully planned and collaborated through many, many people. Sure i might direct it, but it certainly wont be all mine.

 

Good plan huh? whatever comes in between will come in between, but this shall certainly not change and i will make sure that nothing changes with my life. No alterations, modifications, obstacles, or changes are invited nor will they ever be accepted. Ever. I’ve had enough of life. Basta.