Whats up Sru

really isn’t so interesting lately, so i’ll save you the trouble and not write anything…okay fine, I’ll write somethings..I don’t know if i’m blind or if my eyes just can’t seem to read the number “44″. S left for soccer and he didn’t even have it and its my fault! Again! I swear i saw a 44 next to thursday…aagh. (His team = 44). I don’t know. Watered lawn today, found out corner house got robbed, got the books i was waiting weeks for…had my entertainment cravings satisfied, bombed the plan…i don’t know if i can actually stick to it. Went to new TMMA last monday. Boy i had a workout! I got pretty worked up in about 10 minutes and started getting tired and was sweating like CRAZY. Mixed Martial Arts works you pretty good. My kicks could get a little better, and i need to work on my speed and endurance. I need to go running again…every day hour sound good? yes. I hate being the new girl all the time! I knew NO ONE at this new place, and yeah i know how its going to be, people will prob rag me or something being the new karate kid, but hopefully we get tight later on. New home. New everything. Agh. I wonder how school’s going to be like, want to do basketball again this year…which means i better start getting in shape. If only i can get that bike, i can start biking to the nearest court and start practicing. One thing i do appreciate about my life and this country is that you can be whatever you want to be and there’s no stopping you! Your will power determines your success…beautiful. ok. Have to get reading. Night.

oK latest version of the PLAN. lol

1) Before Jan - Take SSAT and get HIGH SCORE!

2) School - Join: Newspaper club, environmental club, ton of other clubs that are possible and you can manage and really - gradually prove yourself and strive to become a leading member

3) School - time to bring out the preppiness, to hell with always being yourself, time to make people stagger and respect

4) School - Nothing but a+’s allowed…do you want to be a cardiovascular surgeon with an MD PhD or not?!

5) Better learn that swimming crap…and phenotype and don’t forget mind control. Maybe god didn’t make you outright gorgeouss, but who said you can’t make yourself that way?

6) Summer - Attend temple’s PSTP (god please!)

7) Next Summer - Attend NIH Start on Intel science proj and also davidson proj. These are great oppurtunities..do you really want to pass them off?

9) Bike pleasE? SAT prep…insights into medicine…etc etc etc

10) Find a job…yeah that would seriously be great.

11) outline your life so you’ll get into ivy league under grad and then md/PhD program…

12) Volunteer like CRAZY.

13) Try out the Gitas words…for once. Observe how best to go about living and live IT!

14) Improve social life? good idea

15) Do we want to do the southwestern program? can we hit the grand prize? okay, maybe summer of senior year if poss…if necessary.

Im still on the quest for purpose of life, i seem to be questioning every sentence/statement made by the Baghvad Gita i don’t mean to, but i can’t help it. Sometimes im reading and it just pisses me off so much. I get swami c’s version but i hate the gita itself. It basically says “be a  machine, understand you are nothing special, your soul is the infinite - let go of all your desires, let go of all attachments, be wise” Yeah, thats just great. You follow those rules and meditate till you’re basically facing hallucinations - sacrificing food,water, etc etc. and maybe you’ll be lucky enough to take a glimpse of “the supreme”. Im not denying there’s some superior form ruling the world, but im not exactly happy or agreeing with it either. How horrible it is! to learn that your life is a play and you are nothing but an actor acting as per the wish of some idiot just so he may be entertained. No offense, but this seems to be what the Gita is saying. I don’t know…things are pretty confusing, and nowadays im pretty fiery for no reason. Can’t seem to bring my temper down and i act like im some big hotshot. I know, im not, but for some reason i don’t get anything.

Things are kinda starting to make sense, but not really. Everythings a huge jumble, a crazy mess. So many thoughts, everywhere i turn problems problems problems - will they ever go away? Most likely not - who am i kidding. Can’t even sleep at night because my stupid brain won’t shut up and stop thinking. Always on the move, jeez everythings getting messed up. I have alot of plans, need to organize them, alongside of that - my future, need to make sense of that, and as if i don’t have enough on my plate, fate added another side dish - my parents (they really know how to annoy the crap out of each other and argue - had they applied for a Ph.D in this feild, they would have got it in a weekend) and also, the stupid frikking house - no offense yeah I totally love it. But all this work. Its so annoying, i mean really how hard is it to go get a lawn mower our lawn is totally a forest and i have no idea what to do with it. I don’t work, i can’t go out and buy a lawn mower. Things are totally deteriorating, parents always stressed out, lil bro life getting ruined b/c of me - i need to spend more time with him and press out all the bullshit in him and bring out his greater potential. Im a pretty selfish person aren’t i. Half my dreams never come true so i wonder what the point of dreaming is..then again they say 99% of your desires are never fullfilled. Huh, that makes everything easier doesn’t it (joking). I don’t know if i can make it through this, hopefully i can, and i will, and i have and im prepared to take on the ridiculously rough future ahead…hopefully.

I wonder what im good for…what am i good for. i keep forgetting. I keep getting confused. One moment im walking into abercrombie gazing at all the ridiculously expensive apparel and imagining them on me…and next moment im thinking of how to pull off renouncing worldly pleasures but at the same time gain the support of the world. I think maybe what im doing is actually selfish…am i doing this for myself or for the world? what kind of an idiot am i. is it selfish to want to intertwine hospitals around the world and supply quality healthcare to everyone - regardless of wealth, class, state, etc etc etc. Is that selfish? yeah. I plan to do that with my own money and with the help of lots of friends and whoever can get involved. but here’s the catch. I plan to do that with my own money. My own hard earned money. The money i toil for, whereas swami c had even better methods. He goes and gets other people to pay for his projects. Is that what i should do? But….what? I have no plans to raise a big successful family or build a huge mansion with alll the worlds most expensive things in it. A condo or even a hut might be nice enough. But why spend all that time and effort trying to make money MYSELF. and then building my projects for the world MYSELF. what meaning does something have if only one person does everything? Huh? All i get is recognition. maybe my hospitals will get rich, famous, successful. But so what. Maybe the world has now a better chance to make sure its pop never ever declines due to poor healthcare. But so what. And maybe it’ll be all my fault that these hospitals were built, but so what. What would be extra meaningful is if the rich people in the world finally know the more beautiful things beyond material possessions and give give give to help their bros and sisters. To know that a network of hospitals have been created through the participation, involvement, and passion of the rich, the dedicated, the generous, the passionate and SO many of Them! Thats what will be worth this. But how is this possible. Today it seems nobody cares about anything but themselves and that close to them. i don’t know but its worth a shot eh.

Okay heres the plan

Graduate HIgh School with SO many Scholarships you have more than enough $!!

Attend Undergrad at UPENN

Attend MD-Ph.D program at worlds (or U.s.’s) most prestigious univ.

Hit workforce, start practicing skills, meeting people, make friends, become a big shot. Win respect.

Start Hospital Chain through investments, carefully planned and collaborated through many, many people. Sure i might direct it, but it certainly wont be all mine.

Good plan huh? whatever comes in between will come in between, but this shall certainly not change and i will make sure that nothing changes with my life. No alterations, modifications, obstacles, or changes are invited nor will they ever be accepted. Ever. I’ve had enough of life. Basta.

Meal Plan for the rest of the summer:

Lunch:

Turkey Cheese Sandwich

Turkey Cheese Lettuce Hoagie

Rice with whatver curry in the fridge

Rice with self cooked curry

Self cook possible curries: Tomato, Potato Fry, Dal, Okra fry, Sambar, Fried Rice, Biriyani, Hyderbadi Biriyani

Breakfasts: Cereal, Bread, Poptarts, Idli, Dosa, Vada, Puri, Upma, Mattar Paneer, Chicken Tikka Masala,

Deserts; Paisam, Gulab Jamun, Fruit Salad, Lassi, Sira, Halwa, Ras Malai, Ras Gulla. Cookies, Cake, Brownies

(Lunches Continued)

Pasta

Quesadillas, Fajitas, Burritos, w/e

And then once i get S. India down pat we can possible move onto international cuisine no?

todays my last day at UM…omg im going to miss it. You know, no one said they;ll miss me except for the strangest people you would never expect it from! For ex. the librarian assistant, the prinicipal, teachers..weIrd. I don’t think any one of my friends told me they’ll miss me. Not one. Strange huh, but im sure they will, just like i’ll miss them. It didn’t feel like the last day, it felt normal, and like i’ll see everyone again tomm. C and R. everyone. R was so cute, she looked beautiful today! Amazing! She was so playful and happy, i was so glad. Me and her kind of connected today, i was sending vibes of love while she was playing in my lap with her lil toys for a while, and then she kept coming to me. I normally am never that great w/ babies, i mean i guess i just cant be so emotional and happy, cuz im not! lol, i still love her though, she’s awesome, and so cuttee. I’ll miss her the most. The next time i see her, she’ll be like 10 huh? Hopefully i see her soon. Maybe over the summer. Might take tennis throughout it, like every week, and then i have TMMA..and maybe i’ll volunteer at a hospital or something, i would love that. Just hope i don’t get SO busy! Hopefully i can get my hands on all the books in my wishlist, i’ll have to hit the library soon, just if i find where it is! Speaking of library, today, no student was for some reason allowed in the library, but me and my friend walked in before that was ever declared, we sat at a table near the front studying for our next final for 1.45 hours. I was totally not ready for WH and proved out right, i didn’t get or know half the questions! I was freaked! But somehow i managed to get a  high B. not bad, but not great either. Everything else was all As and A+s excepy Geo! I got a B for that! In fact i didn’t even finish i had like 10 questions left and i answered all of them randomly. Got a really good score on the BIO final, nice nuh? OK bac to the library, we sat there studying and every student that walked in after that was declared was basically kicked out w. the notion that the LIB is closed. We weren’t. All teachers were there, and just us two students! Alot of the other kids turned away were asking y we were there if the IIB is closed. The librarian said something i didn’t exactly get..I felt kinda strange and bad at the same time. What did i do to deserve something that other people didn’t? Why was i given this priviledge? Whatever that was nice though, i forgive him now of all the times he was so rude. Mr. Principal didn’t say Hi today! how weird! whatever i didn’t either so we’re even.  I am so not looking forward to the next place, i don’t have a clue for what to expect and i dont know if i want to be a prep. Maybe its for the best, lets give it a shot.

I  have 7 minutes left til the start of gr. comm exam. I can’t beleive this, i really hope i get a hundred. Had…6 hours of sleep, thats not bad huh? I was actually planning to only sleeep four, but it worked out okay. Not bad.

I really want a hundred! wish me luck!

Currently taking final exams..tomm i have bio and group comm..something on a persuasive argument for a free market, capitalistic society. God did that have to be the topic? what about something simple? like economy, trade, or statistics on something? Why this? arrrgh. Great. Hope to get back stolen money tomm. I dont understand what kind of an idiot would steal from a charity. WHAT THE FREAK! I just CAN’T beleive this…you know? why me? why did i forget, it just makes me so angry to think about it…so angry. Bio is taking my energy like crazy. Still have so many concepts to go over, transcription, translation, cellular respiration, DNA division, replication, mitosis, meiosis, dehydration synthesis, hydrolosis…classification, taxonomy, darwin, evolution. God. I only finished ecology, populations, and a little bit of cell structure. I have so much to do! Hopefully i get above A and hit close if not a perfect score. I honestly hate testing. Wish me luck…